Dog food is making me crazy

Dog food is driving me mental. 

I know that's not something that people often lose their marbles about but I seem to be locked into an all out battle with my 11 year old Golden's digestive system and the dog food companies. 

First off, I would like to apologize to the Pet Valu worker who attempted to help me. I didn't mean to be a total snatch to you but I am frustrated. When I explained the fact that my dog has severe allergies to chicken and WILL NOT eat fish please don't tell me that he'll eat your house brand's fish-based food because he'll love it. 

He won't.

He's 11 turning 12. That's like 72 in people years - that is plenty of time for him to stick to guns about not eating fish. Fish oil counts.

So does whitefish, pickerel - hell if it has gills let's just avoid it like the plague, because he will. I can guarantee you the only thing more stubborn than a pissed off Italian is a this dog faced with the prospects of dinner - au - poisson tonight. 

The other issue I'm having is where these companies are sourcing their ingredients from. Contrary to popular belief there isn't this big governing body over dog food companies that monitors them. I don't care about "real" meat being the first ingredient in his food, dogs in the wild and when they kill something that eat it eat everything! They eat the organs and bones and all that "nasty" things we think they shouldn't. What I'm concerned about is the fact I don't want my dogs food to be involved in a recall because they imported their ingredients from another country and it's been topped up with toxic fillers. 

Through this whole process I've learned that if you want to get a work-out just try the run around you'll get from dog food companies about where their ingredients come from. I don't want to know what parts of the damn sheep you used just tell me if it came from North America! I'm not asking because I want to jump on this bandwagon and lecture the shit out of you - I want to be an educated dog owner who knows where her dog food is coming from.

UPDATE

I realize that I never published the above article - but left it in draft. Since I wrote this I have found a dog food that meets my dogs nutritional needs and allergy needs that doesn't cost 150.00/ bag! 

After falling in absolute love with Nutro food I have been faced with the reality that they will no longer be bringing it into Timmins....

Stay tuned as the saga may continue.  

The Boston Cream donut that broke me

I've had terrible luck.

I think that's the understatement of the year. From November 2012 to now it seems that life has made me the target for some really random terrible things - and a few great things (it's not all been downhill). This is a recollection of the events ultimately leading to a complete breakdown which was caused because of a donut.

This past week in particular was a prime example of how the world made me its used toilet paper. I finally was able to get home for a couple weeks - not under the greatest circumstances - but it was nice to spend time with family. I spent the evening at two good friend's going away party and came home to just relax. I slept amazingly, but when I woke up I was covered in bites/hives. Turns out my apartment was absolutely infested with bed bugs. 

Hey Kaileigh - Imma fuck all your shit up

Anyway, turns out I'm really allergic to these little bastards and broke out in a mass of itchy, burning hives. Called the landlord who sent someone that day (after much arguing). After a 10 minute spray down of the apartment the exterminator told me that I was good to go - but would be bitten for the next 10-15 days. That did not fly - not in the slightest. After much threatening the owner of the company decided to come out the next day to take a look.

Meanwhile - I had four hours to kill so I figured I'd get ahead on the adulty things and get an oil change and tire rotation. Quite proud of myself, I waited until the mechanic called me into where my car was - only to be told I had a seized ball joint in the right front and it needed fixing. So on the day my apartment was being sprayed for bugs I also had to fork out $730.00 in a surprise mechanic bill! 

Now I'm a pretty laid back person - so I took these in stride. I called my parents and laughed about my luck and just prepared to get on with it. After finding a friends place to sleep I started planning on getting my things cleaned and de-bugged and paid the man for my car (Scarlett and I are still not talking). It wasn't until a few days later - after I had met with the owner of the company who did nothing but assure me that I was going to be okay that things went downhill and it all ended with a donut.

I scooted to Timmies to grab a coffee and donut - because by god I deserved it - and headed off to load up on garbage bags. After getting through about half of the donut I realized that this Boston Cream had absolutely no filling. None. Nothing. 

I just kind of stared at in shock and ended up pulling over to just take this in. And then, sitting in my car on the side of Lakeshore Blvd in Toronto, staring at an empty donut I lost it. The entire world came crashing down and there was just no stopping it. I bawled - and not only did I bawl - I ugly snot cried in my car over my misery-pastry and coffee for what felt like hours. I fogged the windows up - I stared people down who were unlucky enough to catch a glimpse of me. 

I'll be fine - just having a little meltdown

I don't know why - but this very tiny, insignificant detail of my day ended up sending me into an emotional tailspin that left me sobbing in my car for 25 minutes on the side of the road, scaring pedestrians. I don't think that there has been anything to date that's upset me more than that stupid cream-less donut. I have absolutely no idea why something so small would set me off - I could have bawled in my car after the exterminator left but no - instead my entire existence stopped for a large amount of time because Tim Horton's screwed the pooch on giving me delicious (albeit stale) chocolate covered, cream-filled heaven in bread. 

UPDATE: 
After much arguing with my landlord - it was decided it's best to just GTFO from that apartment building - which began a mad dash to clean, pack and move me. Still working on it. 

Can still feel things crawling all over me at all times. 

Confessions of a fat horseback rider

Horseback riding is one of my greatest loves - and I'm very sure it always will be. That being said it was a major thorn in my self-esteem until quite recently for a simple reason: horseback riding isn't a fat friendly sport. 

When you think of female equestrians you always think of these regal, willowy women on gorgeous horses. I mean look at the tack shops - finding apparel for a plus-size rider is damn near impossible and if you do it normally comes with a massive price tag. I know a personal issue I've had is finding boots/half-chaps. I've spent years and still can't find an affordable pair of field boots to fit my 18' calves. It's only in the past year did brands like Mondega started making an XL and XXL half chap (thank the pony gods!) As a plus size rider some days it feels like the entire sport exists to tell you you shouldn't be in it. 

I know I'm not the only one who has walked into a show ring and been snickered at. "Did you see the fat girl on the paint?" "That's so sad that someone would let her show like that." "That poor horse." 

You see I did hear the whispered comments, quite loudly. My reaction was what it will always be - slap on that show ring SMILE. When you get caught up in the politics of what people think you should and shouldn't do you lose what it means to love riding. I could tell someone that they need to stop see-sawing their hands because it looks like they're in a jazzercise class - but I don't. That opinion is not constructive - it's petty and it's judgmental. 

I think the comment that stood out the most came from a previous coaches daughter one day. She quite blatantly told me it was a shame that my horse was bought by "someone like me" because he could do so much more. 

I remember being so upset - she was talking about my size and the fact we had a capped jumping height with his 15'2 build - and it just bothered me. To be completely honest it still kind of does although he is no longer my horse. Someone didn't think I was worthy of a horse that I adored and that adored me because I wouldn't achieve their level of "appropriate" riding for that horse.  Then it hit me and I was reminded of one of the biggest thing I had forgotten about riding.

It's not about how big you jump, how many ribbons you get, how many champions you bring home - it's about how you feel. It's about tap-dancing for the last two hours of your work day because you are going to the barn after. It's about grabbing your horse and giving them a big ol' kiss using a stupid baby voice. It's about bad days and good days (for both of you) and it's most definitely NOT about the size of your ass. Yes, as a plus-size rider you can't ride tiny little ponies or even some horses - and that's not insulting that's just your limitations. It's comparable to not putting a beginner on a 3 year old OTTB who is completely wired all the time. 

All the dialogue aside - I've compiled my list of Kaileigh Russell's Fat Rider Survival Guide:

1. Surround yourself with good horse people - just like everywhere else people suck. Don't feel like you need to suck up and be friends with people who don't feel you're worthy of them. They're right, you're not - you're capable of seeing past someone's looks.
2. Ignore the comments - this one is hard, trust me. People will be quick to tell you you're too fat to ride, whether that's friends, coaches or even tack store associates. These are not the people that spend hours with your horse, walk them when they colic, work them through their bad days. These people don't want to face the fact that they might be shown up by a fat rider not wearing field boots because they don't come in their f***ing size.
3. Know your limits - You won't be able to ride everything or jump everything. It's not insulting, it's not rude - it's the truth. Don't let people belittle you and make that fact a condescending dig. EVERY single rider has limits - no matter their size. 
4. Don't take peoples crap - whether you call them on their ignorance or just walk away, you don't have to put up with it. If you can get a 1000+ pound animal to stop being a turd then I completely believe you can tell someone to go the hell away. 
5. You can do anything you want if you put your mind (and ass) to it. 
6. If it's not constructive - it's white noise. Someone telling you fat people are ruining the horse industry compared to someone telling you how to balance yourself as a bigger rider are not both advice. Pick which one you'd rather hear.
7. People suck - horses don't. Your horse will not tell you you look fat in those breeches. Your horse will not tell you you're disgusting and your horse will never tell you you don't deserve to have them. Remember that - at the end of the day it should be about you and your horse, not you and the peanut gallery. 

How to torture an introvert

I am an introvert.
Being an introvert I’ve been subject to having who I am treated like a flaw, something that I can just get over easily to become a better person. I was chatting with a good friend of mine about an incident that happened recently that’s left me all anxious and blah when I started thinking….There are a lot of things that exist in the world that we’re forced to do for jobs, sports and school that just don’t take into account introverted personalities at all. So – I’ve compiled a list based on my own experience!

Ice Breakers (aka Introvert Breakers)
I worked in a residence for two years and one of the biggest part of team building was the ice breakers. I always was filled with a sick sense of dread that I’d shove down and cover with a big smile when inside I was peeing my pants at icebreakers. There were butterflies, hornets, little men with jackhammers all up in my stomach – but I did those ice breakers. Now, I didn’t feel like they made me closer to my teammates, I didn’t feel like I accomplished anything useful – I just felt drained. Always.

I was always confused why ice breakers are so prominent everywhere. If you think about it – ice breakers are basically introvert breakers. They don’t allow the quiet people who thrive on coming out of their shell gradually do that – they basically (mentally and emotionally) strip you naked and throw you to the wolves. Shouldn’t team building focus on building the team up with all its different parts – not just implying all those parts need to be identical?

I’ve noticed that after these ice breakers (which always happen at the beginning of an event) I always felt drained. Just empty – and at that point you almost always have a full day of activities ahead of you. So you have the extroverts who recharge on those activities – and the introverts who burn it like diesel and by the end of the day only the extroverts look like team players. By the time free-time was available I was always ready to just find a quiet spot alone and try to pour just a little bit of gas in my tank because I was even out of fumes by that point.

- Please if you’re a leader of any kind and thinking about doing ice breakers please incorporate ice breakers that are introvert friendly!

Public Speaking

I hate public speaking, I absolutely hate it.

There is nothing appealing about stepping in front of people and trying to sound like an intelligent, coherent human being.

And that`s why global warming is terrible!

I picked a career that requires a lot of public speaking and I’ve learned to just get used to it but to me it ranks under getting my stitches without freezing (at least they only took a few minutes). I’ve had great times public speaking but I’ve always ended up feeling like I need to spend six days in bed afterwards I’m so tired. It’s difficult for me to keep up that high, engaging energy level that comes with good public speaking – because great public speakers are often looked at as extroverts. People expect high energy, engaging individuals to pump them up – and for an introvert that’s the equivalent of sucking the life force of them.

Solitude isn’t good for you

This one is the most relevant for me right now, this is the one that just left me a bit drained today. It’s the notion that every single person is able to and should relax by hanging out with people and that when you do want to spend time alone you’re an anti-social weirdo.

I need time to recharge and just be alone. I love hanging out with people, I adore my friends and family but after a full day of being high energy, motivated and working hard a day alone is beautiful. It’s not because I hate people or I don’t want to be with people, it’s because I need to recharge. It’s assumed that every single person should recharge going out with friends or being outside of the house. Seriously, some days I feel like I’m just some peeping Tom starring at my bed.

It`s okay baby, one day, one day I`ll get you

I’ve had weekends that have gone from no plans to ten plans in a matter of hours and instead of being pumped for the weekend and not working I feel even more tired. I either shut down completely to cram everyone into one hellish day that leaves me scrambling emotionally to prepare for the next one.

Susan Cain said it absolutely best, “Solitude matters and for some people it is the air that they breathe”. Solitude is my air sometimes and I think because the vast majority of my friends are wonderful extroverts it gets forgotten. By the end of the week sometimes it feels like I’m just drowning under the weight of absolutely all the social things I’ve accepted and done to myself, counting down the days until I can just breathe.

I think it’s really really important to remember that being introverted is not a flaw. Introverts don’t strive to be more extroverted because that’s not who we are. There’s this spectrum to extroversion and introversion and no one person falls in the exact same spot on that spectrum. Extroverts are absolutely awesome, and so are introverts – they just go about it in a different way. 

**All photos copyrighted to Allie Broshe of Hyperbole and a Half 

Muslim woman required to remove niqab in order to testify against attackers

**Trigger warning - this post talks about sexual assault.

First off, let me start by saying that I am not Muslim. So right off the bat, if there are any corrections to terms or religious points I am more than happy to do so!

This article caught my eye in the National Post today with the headline After years and a sharply divided supreme court decision, judge rules woman must remove niqab to testify. To give you a quick rundown of the story, 30 years ago this woman was sexually assaulted by two men, and she began the process of trying to prosecute. The issue that has come out is that this woman wears a niqab (which covers the full face) which an Ontario judge feels would impede cross-examination. After a long time of deliberating they ruled that in order to testify against her attackers, this woman would have to break religious constraints and remove her niqab.

I am disgusted at the message this sends to Muslim women (and all women really) out there who have been sexually assaulted and are looking at prosecuting their attackers. The woman, now 37, would have been around seven years old at the time of her assault and has since chosen to wear this garb as a way of removing any sexual aspect from men that are not family. In a nutshell the deafening message is that in order to bring men to justice you will once again have to expose yourself in front of strangers.

I understand why they came to this conclusion – it’s very easy to hide emotional responses behind a face covering and could throw off the trial – for either side. What bothers me so incredibly much is that there was no alternative given. There was not the option to be interviewed without the face covering by a woman in a private room – it was simply you must expose yourself to a room full of strangers. I realize in western culture we’re accustomed to exposing our bodies and covering our faces is something that borders on strange for us. However, for someone not accustomed to that culture – exposing her face could feel like standing in a room naked. This woman was a victim of sexual assault, if anything the justice system should be making damn sure they treat her with respect and are aware of possible triggers.

The courage it takes to seek justice as a victim of sexual assault is enormous. I don’t that feeling personally, I can’t even imagine what it feels like, but I know that the courage to do something about it is massive. So why do we want to impress on Muslim women that if they want to seek justice they will be required to expose themselves? I just... for a good few minutes I didn't even have words. Sexual assault is absolutely terrible and leaves you at your most vulnerable – it entails someone exposing you without your consent and assaulting you. Why, why why whywhywhywhy would our justice system then turn around and expose them without their consent? It absolutely boggles my mind.

The woman’s lawyer has stated that they will be appealing this decision and for the sake of this woman, and the message it sends to other sexual assault (and any assault) victims – I hope they win. 

Dear bully

Dear bully;

I feel like there's no nice way to start a letter like this because there's honestly just nothing nice about it. So I first off want to start by saying that I'm sorry. I am so sorry that you are very angry with the world, I am so sorry that you've had to face what you've had to face throughout your life. I am very sorry that at such a young age the only thing that life has left you is bitter. I, however, am not sorry that this has left you under the impression that your hatred and dislike for people has left you with the impression that you can bully them. 

I know you might read this and be left going, "that dumb bitch writes a passive aggressive letter on the internet - how fucking mature is she". The reason that I'm tackling this through my blog is because I'm entirely sure that there wouldn't be any way to say what it is I have to say with you in person. Whether it is because you believe I'm a complete nut or think that I'm ten shades of wrong, I am confident you would not listen. 

You see, the entire reason I'm writing this is because you've made it your mission to make my little sister's life hell and I'm not okay with that. You're one of the major forces in her almost crippling anxiety. I realize that reading this, where you are now, you might find a flicker of sick and twisted pleasure in that - I don't. I don't think that driving someone to the point of requiring help for anxiety is something to be proud of. Ever. The major issue I have, however, is that you thought it was alright to tell her that she should kill herself through the March break and that the world would be a better place without her. 

I just want to tell you, whether you care or not, that I think quite the opposite actually. I think the world would fucking blow without my little sister in it and I am absolutely disgusted that you seem to think your opinion of her is the only one that matters. You're a mother, you've gone through hell and back for your daughter, so I don't have to tell you what it would mean if someone told you that the world would only benefit from her being gone from it. 

Now I'm not angry with you for saying that, I was at first, I'll be honest. I wanted to get online and turn all those nasty comments you unleashed on her and throw them back at you. I wanted to pound the everliving fuck out of you to somehow bring you down to the level you seem hellbent on bringing her to. I'm not angry now. Instead I'm sad, I'm sad for you. I'm sad that the only way you seem to be able to feel alright about yourself is through wishing people out of existence. I feel sad for you because the only way you feel good is through trying to destroy other people. I feel absolutely sorry because you won't take anything away from being told that because you think you're entitled to that right.

I honestly and truly hope that nobody ever treats you or your daughter the way that you treat other people because nobody deserves that. I hope that if someone ever treats you or your daughter the way you treat people someone is strong enough to stand up for them, because everyone needs someone to stand up for them. I hope that you find someone to stand up for you and I hope that you find people that will only help you bring yourself up - not bring others down. 

I want to let you know that I'm not angry with you, I'm not going to get mad at you and I'm not going to blame you - but I will not allow you to continue to bully my little sister. Just like you should have someone to stand up for you I'm telling you that I will stand up for her. I will not threaten, I will not yell and I will not ever physically hurt you - but I will not tolerate bullying.

I think that it's easy to call people names and insult them when you're angry, I've definitely been there. I think that it takes a stronger, bigger person to turn that inwards and find out why the actions of someone that don't affect you bother you so much. I think it takes unimaginable strength and courage to tell yourself that you're unhappy and realize that through your own unhappiness you're harming others. I think that, and maybe you're not ready yet, and hope that someday you are strong enough to not let others matter to you. I hope that one day that you're strong enough to not need to bully people to feel good about yourself. I honestly hope that one day you give your daughter an amazing role model to look up to, because from the big sister of the girl you told to kill herself, that's not the case right now.

Oh shit...does this mean I'm an adult?

I found myself having a bit of an identity crisis this morning when it finally hit me - I don't have anymore classes for my program. I'm, in most ways, done my program. Shit.

Appropriate picture is appropriate
Copyright Allie Brosh 2009-2011

I think my biggest source of discomfort comes from the fact that I will no longer be identified as a student. I mean I always joke that getting my degree and diploma is the last thing I need to make me a real person (not that you need either of those to be a real person) but what in sam-hell is going to be my identifier? I've literally been a student for the past 16 years straight of my life. It seems so weird that by the end of the summer that encyclopedia sized chapter of my life is closing.

I wish I knew how to quit you...
Copyright Shutterstock

I mean, it's not like for the past year I haven't done anything with my life except be a student, I do work full time in my field and I have all the bills and responsibilities of an adult. It's not going to be a sudden change from STUDENT to REAL LIFE ADULT MOTHATRUCKAH! It still just seems weird that for the first time in 16 years (and I mean prior to that I was about four years old, titles weren't a priority) I will not be a student. 

Despite all the moaning about it I really do have very few intentions on going back, at least for a year or two. I mean - I will have a practical degree and diploma to apply for jobs with in a specific career. I can say with all honesty both myself and my student loan are pleased as punch that tuition payments and book fees are no longer on our horizon. 

How it actually looks to realize you don't have to fork out thousands of dollars twice a year
Copyright Allie Brosh 2009-2011

Finishing post-secondary is such a bittersweet feeling, I'm starting to realize. I mean, being a student is fun! For some reason I've got this idea in my head that being a "real adult" means that I have to wear a pantsuit all the time and never smile. I'm starting to realize that very little is going to change, okay I may have to purchase a pantsuit...but that's really it.

I don't have a solid life plan - I mean if you look at all of the things I've been looking into it resembles a squirrel that drank a lot of Red Bull and tried to accomplish something. I keep trying to remind myself - you're still young, you really don't have to start panicking quite yet (please refer me to this post on my birthday), you have time. Really my list of goals kind of ended with "Get degree/diploma" - so I suppose that's the next thing to tackle. What do I want? What's my next BIG goal? Also, what do I want for lunch today...

Of opening cans of worms and marriage equality

I’m going to open up a can of worms – I know it. I don’t know how else to begin this post other by saying some of you will be offended, some of you will think I’m wrong and some of you will think I’m disgusting for holding this opinion. And that’s fine. You are entitled to your opinion as much as I’m entitled to mine.

Today’s blog post is about an overwhelming topic in the media because of the United States’ court proceedings – gay marriage/marriage equality.

So as most of you know Prop 8 was brought before the court yesterday in a case that moves to legalize gay marriage (henceforth referred to as marriage, gettin’ hitched, tyin the knot or shackling oneself to the old ball and chain) which will be announced towards the end of June. Now this movement in government is having a profound effect in not only the US but in Canada as well. So many people that I know (and thankfully so) are large supporters of marriage, regardless of religion – I also know people who don’t agree with it personally but have the common decency to not allow their opinions to rule someone else’s life.

I think the entirety of having ONE religion dictate who and who cannot be married to be incredibly flawed. I realize that at the time that these laws were created we were living in a largely different era. This law made sense when women were considered subordinate to men and skin colour dictated your worth. So it is beyond me that in this day and age when women have assumed equal status to men (for the most part – but that’s a whole different can of worms) and race does not mean you’re worthless that sexuality dictates right to marriage.

I think my biggest issue with this entire argument is that we’re setting ourselves up to never have peace by being for and against. If you think about it, the issue of marriage, outside of religion, is just personal politics. We’re not arguing that all marriages be had in a religious church – just that they be recognized as a legal union by the government. I wonder then, if there is no religious component other than the personal beliefs of the individuals against it, why is it a religious issue? This way of getting married is the same way that those who are not married in a religious ceremony get hitched, so does that mean that their union is not legally binding as well? Why stop discriminating there? What about the transgendered, those with no gender? What about those who are not married under “God” in the traditional sense?

It bothers me so incredibly much that someone’s personal religion – a choice they made (you can chose to be a Catholic, Christian, Buddhist) trumps someone’s choice of who they marry even outside of the religious ceremony.  This assumes that every single human being falls under the same religious belief as you and that’s just not true. Religious diversity is huge and while it’s an intensely personal commitment with a higher power it has given way to the right to be intolerant to others. I cannot contest your relationship with your higher power because that is discrimination, however you can impose your relationship with a higher power on me and that is protecting the sanctity of marriage for everyone?  How can someone not see the incredible flaw in that logic?

This way of thinking always excludes someone and always leaves people in the wrong. Everyone has the right to choose how they live and as much as I may not agree with the way someone lives their life I respect they have the right to make their own choices. I don’t think people realize that respecting someone’s right to make a commitment to someone for their lives does not have to go against your religious beliefs. You can still believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman based on your religion AND respect someone’s ability to have the same LEGAL rights in a union.  

Why? How? Whaaaaaat?

They are not getting married under the same conditions as you. Simple as that.

It’s time that people stop being personally offended when something “threatens their religion”. Your religion is your personal commitment with your higher power – not everyone else’s.   Don’t deny someone’s legal rights outside of religion in an attempt protect what you deem is good. 

Of rape, victim blaming and "they did something to deserve it"

TRIGGER WARNING: This article mentions sexual assault, rape, slut-shaming and victim blaming culture for both men and women.

 

It’s hard to avoid hearing about this topic in the media currently – and it’s certainly a story that I’ve been following for the past little while. It’s the internationally headlining Steubenville rape case. For those of you who have not heard anything about this case – two young men were charged and convicted of raping a minor when they posted a video and live-tweeted the repeated rape and sexual assault of a young girl who was passed out drunk.

Now, what’s making the majority of the headlines right now is the way that both the media and the community are handling this case. I should probably forewarn readers that from this point on this story will be heavily laden with bias and personal opinion.

The community (for the most part) have chosen to rally around the attackers throughout this trial. Steubenville is well known for being a football-centric town with much pride for its all-star team, so when two of its star players are convicted of rape – it’s not unexpected for a town to look to blame the victim. Now – what really stood out about this rape case was that while all these boys (and girls) were incredibly drunk the main defense was “she didn’t say no.” This girl wasn’t just raped – she was filmed, penetrated while completely unconscious and urinated on while being drunk. There were points in the film where these boys were laughing that you “could tell she was really dead when she doesn’t even move” while they penetrated her. As someone who worked with incredible intoxicated (sometimes minors) students – I watched the entire video with this sense of absolute horror. This was a girl who should have gotten medical attention as she was not able to stay conscious, she was no way near in a state of mind to provide consent for sex. I've seen some of my students to this point and the thought of anyone treating someone the way these men treated her just leaves a massive pit in my stomach.

I’ll focus on the attackers first – and then swing around to the victim side of this (bear with me). These boys have been the focus of much media empathy, with CNN choosing to report on how sad it was that their promising lives were over. CNN published videos of tearful apologies to the family in the courtroom for what happened and one of the boys collapsing and saying his life was over. I do believe that while these men have the right to be treated like human beings, the focus on them being just as much a victim of this incident and this being a one-time "youthful" mistake is downright disgusting. They didn’t joyride through town in a stolen vehicle – they raped an unconscious minor. Bottom line. This wasn’t a petty felony or a stupid mistake – they physically assaulted a young girl and only got caught because they were stupid enough to post it on social media and record the entire thing. There is definitely being young and stupid but there is a difference between getting drunk and urinating in public and then urinating on a drunk girl after you raped her and laughing about it.

There’s this amazing article titled Toxic Masculinity that directly relates to this event. It basically states that a major issue with female rape by a male is this theory of toxic masculinity. Men are told that, to be real men, they need to be abject of all weakness at all times. I think the greatest quote of this article comes from former NFL quarterback Don McPherson, “We don’t raise boys to be men. We raise them not to be women, or gay men.”

That quote rings true throughout this case – two football stars have raped a girl and yet somehow they’ve still managed to maintain their status as top football players and men. Their attorney, although paid to defend them, made the case that the woman didn’t say no therefore they are innocent. Worst of all, in the eyes of some people, she deserved what they did because she put herself in that position to be dominated by men. My question in response to that is: then why aren’t we teaching men that it’s wrong to dominate a woman? That's because to be a man means to be powerful and dominating, without weakness. These "men" wouldn't allow themselves to be like this victim because they are men, they are not weak. In addition to that, weak individuals deserve to be humilated and have their weakness exploited by "strong, dominating" men because they are weak.

Swinging to the victim side of this I’ve been shocked and appalled and yet not surprised, to hear the comments that have come out of the woodwork. Many people stating that this girl did it to herself and therefore she deserved what happened because she was stupid enough to get drunk. What I would like to know is why these attackers (who were stupid enough to get drunk and rape a girl) seem above this same argument? The other argument (and the most popular) is that this girl had a reputation for sleeping with men therefore it was implied by her previous behavior that she would have said yes anyway.

That – to me – is the sickest part of this. Apparently the sexual choices someone makes in their past dictates the autonomy that they are granted over their bodies in the future. This woman had a reputation for having sex; therefore she deserved what happened to her. This woman was sexually active with men therefore she is to be accessible to any man who wants to have sex with her when they want - despite her mental status.

This victim blaming culture is disgusting – why does the choices that this girl made about who she wanted to sleep with have any bearing on how she is to be treated? What’s being made apparent throughout this case (despite the guilty conviction) is that star-football playing rapists have more of a right to be treated humanely, treated with respect and have ownership over their bodies than a sexually active woman and that is sick.

We wonder why victims, both male and female, of rape don’t come forward. For male victims they’re taught through this toxic masculinity theory that they did something wrong, they were too less of a man to stop it and thus don’t deserve help. For female victims it becomes a Blue’s Clue’s version of “let’s see if we can find out why she deserved it”. Sexual abuse leaves lasting scars on the victim and our culture of both rape and slut-shaming leaves attackers and rapists open to continue to exist without ever having repercussions. Even when convicted – these men and women are coddled and often times doted on by their community while taking a magnifying glass to the victim to find why they were in the wrong.

Throughout this entire research I was left with one major question: if this hadn’t been posted on social media, would this girl have come forward? Honestly, from the overwhelming support for these rapists and attacks against this victim I don’t think she would have.

 

Resources:

Project Unbreakable

Womenshealth.gov

Anti-Violence Project

 

Of unpaid internships and making it in this world

They are deemed as the necessary evil for the majority of post-secondary students or recent post-grads. They are where you’re supposed to be given opportunity to work in your industry and gain experience (as well as network) all whilst balancing mountains of student debt and the sad realization that this internship is costing you money.

I came across this article in the Toronto star that really highlights the flaws in unpaid internships, so I’m not going to regurgitate that information back to you – you can just read the article. Highlighting the most important bits, David Doorey – a professor at York University explains how employers are really using the word “intern” to avoid basic employment laws. Summing up his argument – you can have unpaid interns and that’s fine, however they can’t be doing work that you would otherwise pay an employee to do or create positive gain for your company.

I mean from a business standpoint it makes sense to have interns replace entry-level workers. Instead of paying out a boatload of money to someone who is just starting, you can take on that person as an intern and get them to do the same work – for free.

However being a starving student I see the other end of that. I’m  one of the lucky few out there to secure a paid internship/employment  but it was so difficult applying to places knowing if I did get accepted there would be no way to afford working for this place. I adored my internship and still really enjoy the work that I do – but there were definitely opportunities that were completely off the table because I couldn’t afford them. Life, especially in Toronto, costs money – money that I don’t happen to have large quantities of. I’m wrestling between that stage of adult independence that is running my own life and the need to call my dad to find out what in sam hell a T4 slip actually means.

I think there’s something to be said about the culture of interns as well. It’s socially acceptable to be treated like gum on someone’s shoe because that’s what interns are. Movies show interns and internships as being back-breaking work where you spend the majority of your time running to get coffee and cleaning only to never be told you’re doing a good job. There’s this glorification of being treated poorly at your internship like it’s a rite of passage into being a successful working adult. Why? I feel like for the most part that just ends up making people feel jaded about a career path they’ve decided will be their focus until they’re almost 70. No wonder so many young people are hopping careers like the Easter bunny! The first job experience in a field you get is your impression of how that field works. If everyone spits on everyone else why in the world would you want to do that for the next 60 odd years?

I’m not saying that internships are useless – far from it. Internships are really important, and yes sometimes you won’t enjoy them – but you shouldn’t have to hate them. Internships shouldn’t leave you under a mountain of student debt or working 18 hour days to afford your apartment, life and student expenses. Without a doubt, the culture of gogogogogo without a moment to just breathe or some kind of income from it just leads to high levels of burnout from people who are supposed to be the bright-eyed bushy-tailed newcomers to the field.

I don’t know the age demographic for sure for those reading this – but for anyone in the position to be able to hire interns – please realize that interns aren’t just anonymous cyborgs that do exactly what they are told – they’re actual people. The impression that you give them sets up their impression for the way that your entire sector is supposed to work. Role model good morals, good work habits and above all respect!

Of giving yourself permission to suck

I feel like I've been really neglecting social media, specifically my blog. It's mostly because I've been swamped and just haven't had that "aha!" moment that triggers a post. Today I was surfing through Youtube and watched a video that a friend of mine liked. This video really brought up a valid point through this person's personal experience.

You need to give yourself permission to suck.

All content of this video belongs to the lovely human being speaking in it! Please check out the channel and subscribe!

It’s hard to give yourself permission to suck, harder than you would expect really. I mean every single message, advertisement and best pieces of advice always push you “to be your best”. We’re always told that it’s okay to make mistakes but just sucking at something is never really a mistake – it’s an inadequacy. We’re told and taught that it’s bad to be inadequate in life and that somehow it’s equivalent of rolling over on your back and giving up on the world. You know what? Sometimes it’s okay to roll over and give up on the world. Sometimes it’s okay to suck.  All sexual innuendos aside, sucking is a part of life.

It’s hard to face the fact that you can’t be good at everything; no matter what you do there will be something that you can’t be good at. Whether you can’t draw to save your life or couldn’t boil water properly if you tried, you can’t be good at everything. As a bit of a perfectionist and incredibly competitive person this is something I’ve struggled with a lot. I want to be good at everything. I wish I was good at everything. I will force myself into sanity death spirals trying to be good at everything. I loathe giving myself permission to suck.

I think that refusing to give yourself permission to suck only does you a disservice for one big reason. If you’re good at everything or always good at everything, the small accomplishments and the tiny things you perfect beginlose their meaning. I compare it to if someone gets a present every single day – for no reason other than getting a present. By the time their birthday or a special occasion to celebrate comes around getting a gift loses the ability to be special because getting a gift is just a normal part of life. Sometimes (most of the time actually) we thrive on that "HAHA!" feeling that you just handed life a big ol' can of whoop-ass and accomplished something.

The fact is that sometimes it takes time to be good or even decent at something. My parents will tell you that when I started hunting and shooting I sucked at shooting a gun. People who know me would laugh this off, but I kid you not. Not only could I not hit the broad side of a barn but the first three times I shot a gun I cried. After a lot of practice (or as my dad would say – a lot of wasted in money plugging away at dirt piles that didn’t deserve it), I’m a really decent shot. It wasn’t until I gave myself permission to suck at shooting that I could actually start to improve at it. I didn’t make illusions that I was going to make a guest appearance in the remake of Shooter alongside Mark Whalberg, I sucked!

I think one of the biggest biggest lessons that I’ve learned (and still am) is to not take yourself too seriously. This isn’t saying to never be serious, but there is a middle ground. Life is too short to not laugh at the things you suck at and have fun while you’re trying to improve them. Don’t make learning to do something a chore or you’ll never enjoy it and remember that you never have to be good at everything.

Of social media blunders and epic face palms.

I love social media.

I realize that a large portion of that has to do with my generation, but I thrive in this place of instant communication and constant connection. It’s a tool that has allowed me to connect with someone like-minded in the UK through just the sharing of photos, video’s and impromptu-squealing at Dr. Who gifs. It’s allowed me to access the news headlines right away and hear about historical, world-changing decisions that have been made, instantly. It’s also opened up the doors for online bullying, falsified information and online scamming/harassment.

So when a company fails to grasp the importance of social media, or how to properly make the most of it makes the inner-PR person in me cringe. For this I’ve rustled up three examples of companies shirking their social accountability in the online world.

The first culprit: Applebee’s.

In what’s probably the biggest social media meltdown I’ve witnessed ever, the social media coordinator at Applebee’s failed to follow one simple rule of social media as a business: Don’t try to censor people.

After waitress, Chelsea Welch, posted a photo of a snarky receipt on Reddit as a joke and was fired, the online community stepped in to try to help. They were met with mucho snark from the Applebee’s Facebook page. After posting a status at around 3pm, Applebee’s tried to soothe wounds by saying customer confidentiality is the most important thing – which would be okay if they didn’t have pictures of happy receipt notes written by customers plastered on their Facebook page. They were called on this.

Probably works better if you don't have only good personal information up on your FB pages..

 

So people snarked back – which ended up in Applebee’s Facebook page hiding comments from view and banning people from their page, in what would be the start of a giant “I’m a thirteen year-old having a hissy fit because everyone is being rude to me” type of argument. So Applebee’s took a little break and regrouped…and started tagging people and pasting the same comment over and over and over again with different people tagged. At this point I was shaking my head – and then it got better.

According to R.L Stollar – at around 3:06 am – Applebee’s began tagging people…and arguing with them. *face palm*.

Go home Applebees, you're drunk.

 

Now I realize the situation is more black and white than it appears on the internet, but this just goes to show you why social media is important. This could have been avoided – instead (as a good friend Shannon put) they took the, “we’ve seemed to have found ourselves in a pit of toxic waste – QUICK PASS THE SHOVEL SO WE CAN KEEP DIGGING!” approach.

Article on this major meltdown can be found here.

Culprit numero deux: HMV

In what I thought was the most entertaining social media fail came from the HMV head office in the UK, where, employees were brought into HR and fired in mass numbers one day. Unfortunately the company didn’t think that far ahead and ended up firing their social media planner who live-tweeted the whole event on the company account.

 

For 30 minutes Twitter lapped up the tweets, laughing as the HMV execs scrambled to figure out what the heck was going on. Probably my favourite tweet of the whole ordeal came from the Marketing Director, when he asked, “How do I shut down Twitter?”

The woman responsible took to her personal Twitter saying that she felt this was an important opportunity to push the point home of why social media was important to their company, something the senior management had been overlooking since she started. While a lot of people are saying this just came from her being ticked about being sacked, I have to say I’m agreeing with her. If you’re already being fired, why not drive the point home about social media. You know for a fact they’re going to be cognisant of their social media accounts now, and probably make sure the holder of the passwords isn’t on the chopping block next time.

Article can be found here.

And finally: The Girl Scouts.

How did these happy-go-lucky cookie sellers make it on here? Well it seems that they have refused to embrace any kind of technology while simultaneously crushing the dreams and hopes an 11 and a half year old girl.

This all started when Emma, a Girl Scout, thought of a way to both sell cookies and be able to raise money to buy and send cookies to soldiers serving overseas. What could possibly be wrong with this plan? Well she promoted it through social media and was asking for donations via Paypal. Apparently the Girl Scouts has a strict cash or cheque only policy and although they tweeted Emma’s account saying great job – they backpedalled when they found out funds were collected online and told her she couldn’t do it.

Cash or cheque bitches, or we're not ponying up the goods.

 

How did this come to be? Apparently a jealous mother/ Girl Scout leader felt as though Emma wasn’t learning life-lessons like she would if she went door to door because the internet “isn’t real life”. Obviously this woman wasn’t talking with HMV and Applebee’s execs because they would have quickly told her how “real life” the internet can get.  

Let’s take a step back here – a Girl Scout wants to sell and donate boxes of Girl Scout cookies and donate them all for soldiers overseas and the issue is she isn’t taking cash or cheque? Seriously!?! This story made me mad because we’re always pushing for people to do social good and make the world awesome – as long as they’re only doing so by “nationwide guidelines”.

Article can be found here.

Social media is an important staple of our communication right now, both socially and corporately. I do see a major divide in social media use and understanding and no, that’s not just in people’s age. Social media, when executed properly can be key in avoiding crisis or managing crisis and it can also be gasoline on the fire. I am very interested, as a social media junkie, to see where social media is going to go in the next few years.

Any thoughts or other examples – please send them on down!

Of bullying and making the world more awesome

Sometimes people drive me crazy – scratch that, a lot of the times people drive me crazy. There’s one thing though, that just puts me over the edge every single time.

Bullying. Any and all bullying, all the grey areas of bullying, justifying bulling, laughing about bullying and especially shrugging off bullying.

Everyone who knows me or has me on Facebook knows about a specific incident of bullying last week – some of you were expecting a blog post sooner but I really needed to just calm down and get my head on straight before I tacked this in a post. What set this off? A group of kids made a Facebook group to bully my little brother. Of course, I’m emotionally invested in the person being bullied, but this is something I’m confident I would do regardless of the person being bullied. I confronted the group, and threatened to call the police.

What came next is what absolutely drives me up the wall. People came to the rescue of the bully and began to laugh everything off as a joke. The bully at this point owned up, apologized – but on the group was still laughing about it. When met with conversations about depression and bullying-related suicide one commenter felt like replying with, “CUM SHOTS!” was the appropriate reaction. When I brought up suicide, one commenter chimed in with, “Aw – is he going to go kill himself now?”

Now these kids are between 16-18 years old, which I’m pegging as old enough to know a lot better – and yet they laugh at depression, bullying and suicide. It’s a massive joke that warrants, “Stay gold – pony boy!” and Kansas lyrics typed on a public forum. This infuriates me. I’m all for finding the lighter side of things – but DO NOT laugh off bullying. Nothing drives me up a wall further than shrugging off bullying as a joke. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny. Anyone who laughs at bullying, regardless of severity,  is feeding into continuing the cycle of bullying. Why would someone stop bullying at a small scale if they’re being egged on? What would stop someone from escalating at that point because hey, people are finding it funny?

It’s not funny. Being on both ends of bullying I know how it affects people and I know what it can do to someone. I’ve spoken with people who have been diagnosed with clinical depression from being bullied – and worked with them. Yet, we live in a world that still says, “oh come on it’s just a joke – you can’t take a joke?” You’re right, I can’t take a joke – especially when the joke is not funny and hurts someone else.

Bullying is not a black and white issue – there is a lot of grey area , however the way we treat and confront bullying should be one-dimensional: Do not allow it. Bullying kills people. Literally, something that pushes someone to want to end their life isn’t funny, so why are we allowing people to laugh? In this instance, calling the police was met with joking, laughter and giggling – which makes me wonder, what are we not doing in addressing this as a serious issue? When cops bring about chortling and snickering instead of remorse, what is going wrong?

I will never allow for bullying, I will not stand for it and I will speak out against it when confronted by it. I do not allow bullying either in person or over a computer screen because bullying, in any form, is wrong. We live in a world where people are quicker to laugh at someone than stand up for them and that’s sad. We treat depression like it’s that person’s fault that they have it, more so if they’re being bullied because that means they’re weak. We hardly ever point the word “weak” at bullies because apparently their ability to insult and ridicule makes them strong. I call bullshit on that. I will defend someone’s strength of character with depression or while being bullied over someone’s strength of character while being a bully any day.

I honestly, honestly hope that even just one of you – one person in 7+ billion who reads this takes a stand in some way against bullying. Not because I’m asking you, not because it will make you look good but because it matters. People matter, you matter, he matters, she matters – they matter.

I found this video last week and honestly I watched about ten times the day I found that Facebook group. One quote stood out the most:

“We can make every day better for each other, if we’re all on the same team let’s start acting like it. We got work to do. We can cry about it, or we can dance about it. We were made to be awesome.” – Kid President