How to torture an introvert - PART TWO!

Like part 1 states - I am an introvert. Okay, I'm like an extroverted introvert but an introvert nonetheless. 

So it's been through the past few months that I've definitely been thrown into some situations that have had me feeling like I shoved myself under a bus while simultaneously telling the driver to punch it. This has allowed me to add to my list of ways to torture an introvert. 

"You just need to get out of your shell"

It's not a shell. That prickly exterior is actually just me! 

It's not that I hate people - I do actually quite like people, I just don't like people all the time. I don't like to go out of my way to talk to people all the time because that stresses me out. I'm totally comfortable with people taking the lead occasionally because that's how I roll. 

"The fact that your bed is the most exciting part of your weekend is sad"

It's really not.

I spend five days a week surrounded by people - people that (while I love every moment of it) suck the happy juice right out of me with a straw. I need a day or two to just recharge and miraculously I get two of those days to myself every week! So I don't go crazy and go out all weekend - I don't recharge like that. Coffee and the internet binge for a solid 12 hours pretty much fills my happy juice tank.

Some people recharge by being with people. That's awesome.

Some people recharge by being as far away from people as possible. That's awesome too.

"You just need to be more outgoing - then you'll meet someone to date"

See that's a terrifyingly narrow way of looking at things. I can be outgoing - but more outgoing? That's like telling the Pope to be more Catholic. Why isn't being me enough?

It is enough. I am enough. 

I will still be enough in two years if I'm still single and still love spending weekends on the couch on my laptop.

"You're a PR person - isn't it your job to be outgoing"

Yes. While I'm at work.

And I am outgoing at work, I love going and talking to people and the butterflies that it still gives me. I love that nervous feeling right before I talk to someone new or call someone for the first time.

I don't have to be outgoing 24/7. I don't have a defaulted "outgoing" setting that doesn't have an off switch. The fact that people assume I am always out and happy and energetic actually is very stressful! 

"The reason you never get invited anywhere is because you hate hanging out with people"

I will admit - I am terrible at keeping plans with people. I always jump on the plans excitedly and then the reality of actually following those plans catches up with me. Either I'm exhausted from the day of or have a million things to do the next day and it's just all weighing on me.

It's not that I don't have fun when I'm out. I love hanging out with people - it's just that impending weight of knowing I won't have enough time to just recharge my batteries before the coming week and knowing I'll be drained by Wednesday. 

I love hanging out with people a lot - I just also love me a little more. 

How to torture an introvert

I am an introvert.
Being an introvert I’ve been subject to having who I am treated like a flaw, something that I can just get over easily to become a better person. I was chatting with a good friend of mine about an incident that happened recently that’s left me all anxious and blah when I started thinking….There are a lot of things that exist in the world that we’re forced to do for jobs, sports and school that just don’t take into account introverted personalities at all. So – I’ve compiled a list based on my own experience!

Ice Breakers (aka Introvert Breakers)
I worked in a residence for two years and one of the biggest part of team building was the ice breakers. I always was filled with a sick sense of dread that I’d shove down and cover with a big smile when inside I was peeing my pants at icebreakers. There were butterflies, hornets, little men with jackhammers all up in my stomach – but I did those ice breakers. Now, I didn’t feel like they made me closer to my teammates, I didn’t feel like I accomplished anything useful – I just felt drained. Always.

I was always confused why ice breakers are so prominent everywhere. If you think about it – ice breakers are basically introvert breakers. They don’t allow the quiet people who thrive on coming out of their shell gradually do that – they basically (mentally and emotionally) strip you naked and throw you to the wolves. Shouldn’t team building focus on building the team up with all its different parts – not just implying all those parts need to be identical?

I’ve noticed that after these ice breakers (which always happen at the beginning of an event) I always felt drained. Just empty – and at that point you almost always have a full day of activities ahead of you. So you have the extroverts who recharge on those activities – and the introverts who burn it like diesel and by the end of the day only the extroverts look like team players. By the time free-time was available I was always ready to just find a quiet spot alone and try to pour just a little bit of gas in my tank because I was even out of fumes by that point.

- Please if you’re a leader of any kind and thinking about doing ice breakers please incorporate ice breakers that are introvert friendly!

Public Speaking

I hate public speaking, I absolutely hate it.

There is nothing appealing about stepping in front of people and trying to sound like an intelligent, coherent human being.

And that`s why global warming is terrible!

I picked a career that requires a lot of public speaking and I’ve learned to just get used to it but to me it ranks under getting my stitches without freezing (at least they only took a few minutes). I’ve had great times public speaking but I’ve always ended up feeling like I need to spend six days in bed afterwards I’m so tired. It’s difficult for me to keep up that high, engaging energy level that comes with good public speaking – because great public speakers are often looked at as extroverts. People expect high energy, engaging individuals to pump them up – and for an introvert that’s the equivalent of sucking the life force of them.

Solitude isn’t good for you

This one is the most relevant for me right now, this is the one that just left me a bit drained today. It’s the notion that every single person is able to and should relax by hanging out with people and that when you do want to spend time alone you’re an anti-social weirdo.

I need time to recharge and just be alone. I love hanging out with people, I adore my friends and family but after a full day of being high energy, motivated and working hard a day alone is beautiful. It’s not because I hate people or I don’t want to be with people, it’s because I need to recharge. It’s assumed that every single person should recharge going out with friends or being outside of the house. Seriously, some days I feel like I’m just some peeping Tom starring at my bed.

It`s okay baby, one day, one day I`ll get you

I’ve had weekends that have gone from no plans to ten plans in a matter of hours and instead of being pumped for the weekend and not working I feel even more tired. I either shut down completely to cram everyone into one hellish day that leaves me scrambling emotionally to prepare for the next one.

Susan Cain said it absolutely best, “Solitude matters and for some people it is the air that they breathe”. Solitude is my air sometimes and I think because the vast majority of my friends are wonderful extroverts it gets forgotten. By the end of the week sometimes it feels like I’m just drowning under the weight of absolutely all the social things I’ve accepted and done to myself, counting down the days until I can just breathe.

I think it’s really really important to remember that being introverted is not a flaw. Introverts don’t strive to be more extroverted because that’s not who we are. There’s this spectrum to extroversion and introversion and no one person falls in the exact same spot on that spectrum. Extroverts are absolutely awesome, and so are introverts – they just go about it in a different way. 

**All photos copyrighted to Allie Broshe of Hyperbole and a Half