I found myself having a bit of an identity crisis this morning when it finally hit me - I don't have anymore classes for my program. I'm, in most ways, done my program. Shit.
Appropriate picture is appropriate Copyright Allie Brosh 2009-2011
I think my biggest source of discomfort comes from the fact that I will no longer be identified as a student. I mean I always joke that getting my degree and diploma is the last thing I need to make me a real person (not that you need either of those to be a real person) but what in sam-hell is going to be my identifier? I've literally been a student for the past 16 years straight of my life. It seems so weird that by the end of the summer that encyclopedia sized chapter of my life is closing.
I wish I knew how to quit you... Copyright Shutterstock
I mean, it's not like for the past year I haven't done anything with my life except be a student, I do work full time in my field and I have all the bills and responsibilities of an adult. It's not going to be a sudden change from STUDENT to REAL LIFE ADULT MOTHATRUCKAH! It still just seems weird that for the first time in 16 years (and I mean prior to that I was about four years old, titles weren't a priority) I will not be a student. Despite all the moaning about it I really do have very few intentions on going back, at least for a year or two. I mean - I will have a practical degree and diploma to apply for jobs with in a specific career. I can say with all honesty both myself and my student loan are pleased as punch that tuition payments and book fees are no longer on our horizon.
How it actually looks to realize you don't have to fork out thousands of dollars twice a year Copyright Allie Brosh 2009-2011
Finishing post-secondary is such a bittersweet feeling, I'm starting to realize. I mean, being a student is fun! For some reason I've got this idea in my head that being a "real adult" means that I have to wear a pantsuit all the time and never smile. I'm starting to realize that very little is going to change, okay I may have to purchase a pantsuit...but that's really it. I don't have a solid life plan - I mean if you look at all of the things I've been looking into it resembles a squirrel that drank a lot of Red Bull and tried to accomplish something. I keep trying to remind myself - you're still young, you really don't have to start panicking quite yet (please refer me to this post on my birthday), you have time. Really my list of goals kind of ended with "Get degree/diploma" - so I suppose that's the next thing to tackle. What do I want? What's my next BIG goal? Also, what do I want for lunch today...
I’m going
to open up a can of worms – I know it. I don’t know how else to begin this post
other by saying some of you will be offended, some of you will think I’m wrong
and some of you will think I’m disgusting for holding this opinion. And that’s
fine. You are entitled to your opinion as much as I’m entitled to mine.
Today’s
blog post is about an overwhelming topic in the media because of the United States’
court proceedings – gay marriage/marriage equality.
So as most
of you know Prop 8 was brought before the court yesterday in a case that moves
to legalize gay marriage (henceforth referred to as marriage, gettin’ hitched,
tyin the knot or shackling oneself to the old ball and chain) which will be
announced towards the end of June. Now this movement in government is having a
profound effect in not only the US but in Canada as well. So many people that I
know (and thankfully so) are large supporters of marriage, regardless of
religion – I also know people who don’t agree with it personally but have the
common decency to not allow their opinions to rule someone else’s life.
I think the
entirety of having ONE religion dictate who and who cannot be married to be incredibly
flawed. I realize that at the time that these laws were created we were living
in a largely different era. This law made sense when women were considered subordinate
to men and skin colour dictated your worth. So it is beyond me that in this day
and age when women have assumed equal status to men (for the most part – but that’s
a whole different can of worms) and race does not mean you’re worthless that
sexuality dictates right to marriage.
I think my
biggest issue with this entire argument is that we’re setting ourselves up to
never have peace by being for and against. If you think about it, the issue of
marriage, outside of religion, is just personal politics. We’re not arguing
that all marriages be had in a religious church – just that they be recognized
as a legal union by the government. I wonder then, if there is no religious
component other than the personal beliefs of the individuals against it, why is
it a religious issue? This way of getting married is the same way that those
who are not married in a religious ceremony get hitched, so does that mean that
their union is not legally binding as well? Why stop discriminating there? What
about the transgendered, those with no gender? What about those who are not
married under “God” in the traditional sense?
It bothers
me so incredibly much that someone’s personal religion – a choice they made
(you can chose to be a Catholic, Christian, Buddhist) trumps someone’s choice
of who they marry even outside of the religious ceremony. This assumes that every single human being
falls under the same religious belief as you and that’s just not true. Religious
diversity is huge and while it’s an intensely personal commitment with a higher
power it has given way to the right to be intolerant to others. I cannot
contest your relationship with your higher power because that is discrimination, however you can impose your relationship
with a higher power on me and that is protecting the sanctity of marriage for
everyone? How can someone not see the
incredible flaw in that logic?
This way of
thinking always excludes someone and always leaves people in the wrong. Everyone
has the right to choose how they live and as much as I may not agree with the
way someone lives their life I respect they have the right to make their own
choices. I don’t think people realize that respecting someone’s right to make a
commitment to someone for their lives does not have to go against your
religious beliefs. You can still believe that marriage should be between a man
and a woman based on your religion AND respect someone’s ability to have the
same LEGAL rights in a union.
Why? How?
Whaaaaaat?
They are not getting married under the same
conditions as you. Simple as that.
It’s time
that people stop being personally offended when something “threatens their
religion”. Your religion is your personal commitment with your higher power –
not everyone else’s. Don’t deny someone’s legal rights outside of
religion in an attempt protect what you deem is good.
TRIGGER WARNING: This article mentions sexual assault, rape, slut-shaming and victim blaming culture for both men and women.
It’s hard to avoid hearing about this topic in
the media currently – and it’s certainly a story that I’ve been following for
the past little while. It’s the internationally headlining Steubenville rape
case. For those of you who have not heard anything about this case – two young
men were charged and convicted of raping a minor when they posted a video and
live-tweeted the repeated rape and sexual assault of a young girl who was
passed out drunk.
Now, what’s making the majority of the
headlines right now is the way that both the media and the community are
handling this case. I should probably forewarn readers that from this point on
this story will be heavily laden with bias and personal opinion.
The community (for the most part) have chosen
to rally around the attackers throughout this trial. Steubenville is well known
for being a football-centric town with much pride for its all-star team, so
when two of its star players are convicted of rape – it’s not unexpected for a
town to look to blame the victim. Now – what really stood out about this rape
case was that while all these boys (and girls) were incredibly drunk the main
defense was “she didn’t say no.” This girl wasn’t just raped – she was
filmed, penetrated while completely unconscious and urinated on while being
drunk. There were points in the film where these boys were laughing that you “could
tell she was really dead when she doesn’t even move” while they penetrated her.
As someone who worked with incredible intoxicated (sometimes minors) students –
I watched the entire video with this sense of absolute horror. This was a girl
who should have gotten medical attention as she was not able to stay conscious,
she was no way near in a state of mind to provide consent for sex. I've seen some of my students to this point and the thought of anyone treating someone the way these men treated her just leaves a massive pit in my stomach.
I’ll focus on the attackers first – and then
swing around to the victim side of this (bear with me). These boys have been
the focus of much media empathy, with CNN choosing to report on how sad it was
that their promising lives were over. CNN published videos of tearful
apologies to the family in the courtroom for what happened and one of the boys
collapsing and saying his life was over. I do believe that while these men have
the right to be treated like human beings, the focus on them being just as
much a victim of this incident and this being a one-time "youthful" mistake is downright disgusting. They
didn’t joyride through town in a stolen vehicle – they raped an unconscious minor. Bottom line. This wasn’t a petty
felony or a stupid mistake – they physically assaulted a young girl and only
got caught because they were stupid enough to post it on social media and
record the entire thing. There is definitely being young and stupid but there is a difference between getting drunk and urinating in public and then urinating on a drunk girl after you raped her and laughing about it.
There’s this amazing article titled Toxic Masculinity that directly relates to this event. It basically states that a
major issue with female rape by a male is this theory of toxic masculinity. Men
are told that, to be real men, they need to be abject of all weakness at all
times. I think the greatest quote of this article comes from former NFL
quarterback Don McPherson, “We don’t raise boys to be men. We raise them not to
be women, or gay men.”
That quote rings true throughout this case –
two football stars have raped a girl and yet somehow they’ve still managed to
maintain their status as top football players and men. Their attorney, although
paid to defend them, made the case that the woman didn’t say no therefore they
are innocent. Worst of all, in the eyes of some people, she deserved what they
did because she put herself in that position to be dominated by men. My
question in response to that is: then why aren’t we teaching men that it’s
wrong to dominate a woman? That's because to be a man means to be powerful and dominating, without weakness. These "men" wouldn't allow themselves to be like this victim because they are men, they are not weak. In addition to that, weak individuals deserve to be humilated and have their weakness exploited by "strong, dominating" men because they are weak.
Swinging to the victim side of this I’ve been
shocked and appalled and yet not surprised, to hear the comments that have come
out of the woodwork. Many people stating that this girl did it to herself and
therefore she deserved what happened because she was stupid enough to get
drunk. What I would like to know is why these attackers (who were stupid enough
to get drunk and rape a girl) seem above this same argument? The other argument
(and the most popular) is that this girl had a reputation for sleeping with men
therefore it was implied by her previous behavior that she would have said yes
anyway.
That – to me – is the sickest part of this.
Apparently the sexual choices someone makes in their past dictates the autonomy
that they are granted over their bodies in the future. This woman had a
reputation for having sex; therefore she deserved what happened to her. This woman was sexually active with men therefore she is to be accessible to any man who wants to have sex with her when they want - despite her mental status.
This victim blaming culture is disgusting – why
does the choices that this girl made about who she wanted to sleep with have
any bearing on how she is to be treated? What’s being made apparent throughout
this case (despite the guilty conviction) is that star-football playing rapists
have more of a right to be treated humanely, treated with respect and have
ownership over their bodies than a sexually active woman and that is sick.
We wonder why victims, both male and female, of
rape don’t come forward. For male victims they’re taught through this toxic
masculinity theory that they did something wrong, they were too less of a man
to stop it and thus don’t deserve help. For female victims it becomes a Blue’s
Clue’s version of “let’s see if we can find out why she deserved it”. Sexual
abuse leaves lasting scars on the victim and our culture of both rape and
slut-shaming leaves attackers and rapists open to continue to exist without
ever having repercussions. Even when convicted – these men and women are
coddled and often times doted on by their community while taking a magnifying
glass to the victim to find why they were in the wrong.
Throughout this entire research I was left with
one major question: if this hadn’t been posted on social media, would this girl
have come forward? Honestly, from the overwhelming support for these rapists and attacks against
this victim I don’t think she would have.
They are
deemed as the necessary evil for the majority of post-secondary students or
recent post-grads. They are where you’re supposed to be given opportunity to
work in your industry and gain experience (as well as network) all whilst
balancing mountains of student debt and the sad realization that this
internship is costing you money.
I came
across this article in the Toronto star that really highlights the flaws in
unpaid internships, so I’m not going to regurgitate that information back to
you – you can just read the article. Highlighting the most important bits,
David Doorey – a professor at York University explains how employers are really
using the word “intern” to avoid basic employment laws. Summing up his argument
– you can have unpaid interns and that’s fine, however they can’t be doing work
that you would otherwise pay an employee to do or create positive gain for your
company.
I mean from
a business standpoint it makes sense to have interns replace entry-level
workers. Instead of paying out a boatload of money to someone who is just
starting, you can take on that person as an intern and get them to do the same
work – for free.
However
being a starving student I see the other end of that. I’m one of the lucky few out there to secure a
paid internship/employment but it was so
difficult applying to places knowing if I did get accepted there would be no
way to afford working for this place. I adored my internship and still really
enjoy the work that I do – but there were definitely opportunities that were
completely off the table because I couldn’t afford them. Life, especially in
Toronto, costs money – money that I don’t happen to have large quantities of. I’m
wrestling between that stage of adult independence that is running my own life
and the need to call my dad to find out what in sam hell a T4 slip actually
means.
I think
there’s something to be said about the culture of interns as well. It’s socially
acceptable to be treated like gum on someone’s shoe because that’s what interns
are. Movies show interns and internships as being back-breaking work where you
spend the majority of your time running to get coffee and cleaning only to
never be told you’re doing a good job. There’s this glorification of being
treated poorly at your internship like it’s a rite of passage into being a successful
working adult. Why? I feel like for the most part that just ends up making
people feel jaded about a career path they’ve decided will be their focus until
they’re almost 70. No wonder so many young people are hopping careers like the
Easter bunny! The first job experience in a field you get is your impression of
how that field works. If everyone spits on everyone else why in the world would
you want to do that for the next 60 odd years?
I’m not
saying that internships are useless – far from it. Internships are really
important, and yes sometimes you won’t enjoy them – but you shouldn’t have to
hate them. Internships shouldn’t leave you under a mountain of student debt or working
18 hour days to afford your apartment, life and student expenses. Without a
doubt, the culture of gogogogogo without a moment to just breathe or some kind
of income from it just leads to high levels of burnout from people who are
supposed to be the bright-eyed bushy-tailed newcomers to the field.
I don’t
know the age demographic for sure for those reading this – but for anyone in
the position to be able to hire interns – please realize that interns aren’t
just anonymous cyborgs that do exactly what they are told – they’re actual people.
The impression that you give them sets up their impression for the way that
your entire sector is supposed to work. Role model good morals, good work
habits and above all respect!
I feel like I've been really neglecting social media, specifically my
blog. It's mostly because I've been swamped and just haven't had that
"aha!" moment that triggers a post. Today I was surfing through
Youtube and watched a video that a friend of mine liked. This video really
brought up a valid point through this person's personal experience.
You
need to give yourself permission to suck.
All content of this video belongs to the lovely human being speaking in it! Please check out the channel and subscribe!
It’s hard to give yourself permission to suck, harder than you would
expect really. I mean every single message, advertisement and best pieces of
advice always push you “to be your best”. We’re always told that it’s okay to
make mistakes but just sucking at something is never really a mistake – it’s an
inadequacy. We’re told and taught that it’s bad to be inadequate in life and
that somehow it’s equivalent of rolling over on your back and giving up on the
world. You know what? Sometimes it’s okay to roll over and give up on the
world. Sometimes it’s okay to suck. All
sexual innuendos aside, sucking is a part of life.
It’s hard to face the fact that you can’t be good at everything; no
matter what you do there will be something that you can’t be good at. Whether
you can’t draw to save your life or couldn’t boil water properly if you tried, you
can’t be good at everything. As a bit of a perfectionist and incredibly
competitive person this is something I’ve struggled with a lot. I want to be
good at everything. I wish I was good at everything. I will force myself into
sanity death spirals trying to be good at everything. I loathe giving myself
permission to suck.
I think that refusing to give yourself permission to suck only does you
a disservice for one big reason. If you’re good at everything or always good at
everything, the small accomplishments and the tiny things you perfect beginlose
their meaning. I compare it to if someone gets a present every single day – for
no reason other than getting a present. By the time their birthday or a special
occasion to celebrate comes around getting a gift loses the ability to be
special because getting a gift is just a normal part of life. Sometimes (most of the time actually) we thrive on that "HAHA!" feeling that you just handed life a big ol' can of whoop-ass and accomplished something.
The
fact is that sometimes it takes time to be good or even decent at something. My
parents will tell you that when I started hunting and shooting I sucked at
shooting a gun. People who know me would laugh this off, but I kid you not. Not
only could I not hit the broad side of a barn but the first three times I shot
a gun I cried. After a lot of practice (or as my dad would say – a lot of
wasted in money plugging away at dirt piles that didn’t deserve it), I’m a
really decent shot. It wasn’t until I gave myself permission to suck at
shooting that I could actually start to improve at it. I didn’t make illusions
that I was going to make a guest appearance in the remake of Shooter alongside
Mark Whalberg, I sucked! I think one of the biggest
biggest lessons that I’ve learned (and still am) is to not take yourself too
seriously. This isn’t saying to never be serious, but there is a middle ground.
Life is too short to not laugh at the things you suck at and have fun while you’re
trying to improve them. Don’t make learning to do something a chore or you’ll
never enjoy it and remember that you never have to be good at everything.
I realize that a large portion of that has to do with my
generation, but I thrive in this place of instant communication and constant
connection. It’s a tool that has allowed me to connect with someone like-minded
in the UK through just the sharing of photos, video’s and impromptu-squealing
at Dr. Who gifs. It’s allowed me to access the news headlines right away and
hear about historical, world-changing decisions that have been made, instantly.
It’s also opened up the doors for online bullying, falsified information and
online scamming/harassment.
So when a company fails to grasp the importance of social
media, or how to properly make the most of it makes the inner-PR person in me
cringe. For this I’ve rustled up three examples of companies shirking their
social accountability in the online world.
The first culprit: Applebee’s.
In what’s probably the biggest social media meltdown I’ve
witnessed ever, the social media coordinator at Applebee’s failed to follow one
simple rule of social media as a business: Don’t try to censor people.
After waitress, Chelsea Welch, posted a photo of a snarky receipt
on Reddit as a joke and was fired, the online community stepped in to try to
help. They were met with mucho snark from the Applebee’s Facebook page. After
posting a status at around 3pm, Applebee’s tried to soothe wounds by saying
customer confidentiality is the most important thing – which would be okay if
they didn’t have pictures of happy receipt notes written by customers plastered
on their Facebook page. They were called on this.
Probably works better if you don't have only good personal information up on your FB pages..
So people snarked back – which ended up in Applebee’s
Facebook page hiding comments from view and banning people from their page, in
what would be the start of a giant “I’m a thirteen year-old having a hissy fit
because everyone is being rude to me” type of argument. So Applebee’s took a
little break and regrouped…and started tagging people and pasting the same
comment over and over and over again with different people tagged. At this
point I was shaking my head – and then it got better.
According to R.L Stollar – at around 3:06 am – Applebee’s
began tagging people…and arguing with them. *face palm*.
Go home Applebees, you're drunk.
Now I realize the situation is more black and white than it
appears on the internet, but this just goes to show you why social media is
important. This could have been avoided – instead (as a good friend Shannon
put) they took the, “we’ve seemed to have found ourselves in a pit of toxic
waste – QUICK PASS THE SHOVEL SO WE CAN KEEP DIGGING!” approach.
In what I thought was the most entertaining social media
fail came from the HMV head office in the UK, where, employees were brought
into HR and fired in mass numbers one day. Unfortunately the company didn’t
think that far ahead and ended up firing their social media planner who
live-tweeted the whole event on the company account.
For 30 minutes Twitter lapped up the tweets, laughing as the
HMV execs scrambled to figure out what the heck was going on. Probably my favourite
tweet of the whole ordeal came from the Marketing Director, when he asked, “How
do I shut down Twitter?”
The woman responsible took to her personal Twitter saying
that she felt this was an important opportunity to push the point home of why
social media was important to their company, something the senior management
had been overlooking since she started. While a lot of people are saying this
just came from her being ticked about being sacked, I have to say I’m agreeing
with her. If you’re already being fired, why not drive the point home about
social media. You know for a fact they’re going to be cognisant of their social
media accounts now, and probably make sure the holder of the passwords isn’t on
the chopping block next time.
How did these happy-go-lucky cookie sellers make it on here?
Well it seems that they have refused to embrace any kind of technology while
simultaneously crushing the dreams and hopes an 11 and a half year old girl.
This all started when Emma, a Girl Scout, thought of a way
to both sell cookies and be able to raise money to buy and send cookies to
soldiers serving overseas. What could possibly be wrong with this plan? Well
she promoted it through social media and was asking for donations via Paypal.
Apparently the Girl Scouts has a strict cash or cheque only policy and although
they tweeted Emma’s account saying great job – they backpedalled when they
found out funds were collected online and told her she couldn’t do it.
Cash or cheque bitches, or we're not ponying up the goods.
How did this come to be? Apparently a jealous mother/ Girl
Scout leader felt as though Emma wasn’t learning life-lessons like she would if
she went door to door because the internet “isn’t real life”. Obviously this
woman wasn’t talking with HMV and Applebee’s execs because they would have
quickly told her how “real life” the internet can get.
Let’s take a step back here – a Girl Scout wants to sell and
donate boxes of Girl Scout cookies and donate them all for soldiers overseas
and the issue is she isn’t taking cash or cheque? Seriously!?! This story made
me mad because we’re always pushing for people to do social good and make the
world awesome – as long as they’re only doing so by “nationwide guidelines”.
Social media is an important staple of our communication
right now, both socially and corporately. I do see a major divide in social
media use and understanding and no, that’s not just in people’s age. Social
media, when executed properly can be key in avoiding crisis or managing crisis
and it can also be gasoline on the fire. I am very interested, as a social
media junkie, to see where social media is going to go in the next few years.
Any thoughts or other examples – please send them on down!
Sometimes people drive me crazy – scratch that, a lot of the
times people drive me crazy. There’s one thing though, that just puts me over
the edge every single time.
Bullying. Any and all bullying, all the grey areas of
bullying, justifying bulling, laughing about bullying and especially shrugging
off bullying.
Everyone who knows me or has me on Facebook knows about a
specific incident of bullying last week – some of you were expecting a blog
post sooner but I really needed to just calm down and get my head on
straight before I tacked this in a post. What set this off? A group of kids
made a Facebook group to bully my little brother. Of course, I’m emotionally
invested in the person being bullied, but this is something I’m confident I would
do regardless of the person being bullied. I confronted the group, and
threatened to call the police.
What came next is what absolutely drives me up the wall.
People came to the rescue of the bully and began to laugh everything off as a
joke. The bully at this point owned up, apologized – but on the group was still
laughing about it. When met with conversations about depression and
bullying-related suicide one commenter felt like replying with, “CUM SHOTS!”
was the appropriate reaction. When I brought up suicide, one commenter chimed
in with, “Aw – is he going to go kill himself now?”
Now these kids are between 16-18 years old, which I’m
pegging as old enough to know a lot better – and yet they laugh at depression,
bullying and suicide. It’s a massive joke that warrants, “Stay gold – pony boy!”
and Kansas lyrics typed on a public forum. This infuriates me. I’m all for
finding the lighter side of things – but DO NOT laugh off bullying. Nothing
drives me up a wall further than shrugging off bullying as a joke.
It’s not a joke, it’s not funny. Anyone who laughs at
bullying, regardless of severity, is feeding into continuing the cycle of bullying. Why would someone
stop bullying at a small scale if they’re being egged on? What would stop
someone from escalating at that point because hey, people are finding it funny?
It’s not funny. Being on both ends of bullying I know how it
affects people and I know what it can do to someone. I’ve spoken with people
who have been diagnosed with clinical depression from being bullied – and worked
with them. Yet, we live in a world that still says, “oh come on it’s just a
joke – you can’t take a joke?” You’re right, I can’t take a joke – especially
when the joke is not funny and hurts someone else.
Bullying is not a black and white issue – there is a lot of
grey area , however the way we treat and confront bullying should be
one-dimensional: Do not allow it. Bullying kills people. Literally, something
that pushes someone to want to end their life isn’t funny, so why are we allowing
people to laugh? In this instance, calling the police was met with joking,
laughter and giggling – which makes me wonder, what are we not doing in
addressing this as a serious issue? When cops bring about chortling and snickering
instead of remorse, what is going wrong?
I will never allow for bullying, I will not stand for it and
I will speak out against it when confronted by it. I do not allow bullying
either in person or over a computer screen because bullying, in any form, is
wrong. We live in a world where people are quicker to laugh at someone than
stand up for them and that’s sad. We treat depression like it’s that person’s
fault that they have it, more so if they’re being bullied because that means
they’re weak. We hardly ever point the word “weak” at bullies because
apparently their ability to insult and ridicule makes them strong. I call
bullshit on that. I will defend someone’s strength of character with depression or
while being bullied over someone’s strength of character while being a bully
any day.
I honestly, honestly hope that even just one of you – one person
in 7+ billion who reads this takes a stand in some way against bullying. Not
because I’m asking you, not because it will make you look good but because it
matters. People matter, you matter, he matters, she matters – they matter.
I found this video last week and honestly I watched about
ten times the day I found that Facebook group. One quote stood out the most:
“We can make every day better for each other, if we’re all on the same
team let’s start acting like it. We got work to do. We can cry about it, or we
can dance about it. We were made to be awesome.” – Kid President
