The war of the centipedes: Day 2 - The battle of the drain

I feel like this should be written from the trenches instead of my couch. I was right about the first one only being a scout; they sent their first platoon last night. I’m just glad that they haven’t figured out that they can’t get out of sinks yet.

I'm on to you....

                I realized I’m not the only one fighting this battle; a lot of people in Toronto are having the same issue with them. My supervisor said that they like dark, cool places to hide and so they tend to come up through the pipes. I co-worker of mine mentioned a time when she was taking a bath and as she was in the tub and the water rose over the jets in the tub all the ones that were hiding in the jets started floating in the water.

                I’m never taking baths again.

                Ever.

                But on to the first battle, I went to go rinse out Bowyn’s food dish and refill the guinea pig’s water bottle for the night and I saw a small flurry of legs. I yelled for the cat to get back and immediately grabbed for the dish scrubby and bleach again. I was prepared this time. Instead of another one, three, THREE of these vile disgusting evil things burst out of the drain towards me. In true ladylike fashion I screamed, dropped the bottle of bleach and hightailed it out of their cursing like a sailor. The cat positioned himself under the bed again; he’s got the hang of this.

                I collected myself, resisted the urge to put war paint on my cheeks (ok it was body lotion- but it would have worked the same) and drew up my strategy. Knowing that they were in the sink and couldn’t get out I had time. If they went down the drain I’d just run scalding water and bleach down there for about 10 minutes and drown the bastards. My plan was simple; stun then kill them. Draw it out longer than before; they need to know that I’m serious.

                I grabbed a can of Bath and Body Works concentrated room spray (in salted caramel), the bottle of bleach from the kitchen floor and faced my foe. As I peered into the sink all three of them were huddled together, plotting no doubt, but I used the element of surprise to my advantage. Brandishing the room spray I doused them in it while their backs were turned and let me tell you, death never smelt so good. They wriggled around and tried to feebly launch whatever plan they had created, one deeked left, the other right and I grabbed the bleach and doused the healthy looking one, then the one on the left and then the right.

This is what I've been forced to become...

                I left them in the sink, in their death throws and told them to say hello to their comrade in hell. I’m in the business of death and business is good.

                There you have it, this retaliation on their end indicates something more sinister awaits. I’m prepared, I’ve stocked up on room spray and bleach. The cat is ready, I saw him practising his burying skills (he was actually going pee, but I prefer to see it as multi-tasking) the girls were chewing their carrots to sharpen their teeth and strengthen their jaws. Together, we will not be beat. We will win this.

Until next time.

Photos from:
House centipede
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/699812

Illustration by Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a half
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2010/03/spiders-are-scary-its-okay-to-be-afraid.html