Confessions of a fat horseback rider

Horseback riding is one of my greatest loves - and I'm very sure it always will be. That being said it was a major thorn in my self-esteem until quite recently for a simple reason: horseback riding isn't a fat friendly sport. 

When you think of female equestrians you always think of these regal, willowy women on gorgeous horses. I mean look at the tack shops - finding apparel for a plus-size rider is damn near impossible and if you do it normally comes with a massive price tag. I know a personal issue I've had is finding boots/half-chaps. I've spent years and still can't find an affordable pair of field boots to fit my 18' calves. It's only in the past year did brands like Mondega started making an XL and XXL half chap (thank the pony gods!) As a plus size rider some days it feels like the entire sport exists to tell you you shouldn't be in it. 

I know I'm not the only one who has walked into a show ring and been snickered at. "Did you see the fat girl on the paint?" "That's so sad that someone would let her show like that." "That poor horse." 

You see I did hear the whispered comments, quite loudly. My reaction was what it will always be - slap on that show ring SMILE. When you get caught up in the politics of what people think you should and shouldn't do you lose what it means to love riding. I could tell someone that they need to stop see-sawing their hands because it looks like they're in a jazzercise class - but I don't. That opinion is not constructive - it's petty and it's judgmental. 

I think the comment that stood out the most came from a previous coaches daughter one day. She quite blatantly told me it was a shame that my horse was bought by "someone like me" because he could do so much more. 

I remember being so upset - she was talking about my size and the fact we had a capped jumping height with his 15'2 build - and it just bothered me. To be completely honest it still kind of does although he is no longer my horse. Someone didn't think I was worthy of a horse that I adored and that adored me because I wouldn't achieve their level of "appropriate" riding for that horse.  Then it hit me and I was reminded of one of the biggest thing I had forgotten about riding.

It's not about how big you jump, how many ribbons you get, how many champions you bring home - it's about how you feel. It's about tap-dancing for the last two hours of your work day because you are going to the barn after. It's about grabbing your horse and giving them a big ol' kiss using a stupid baby voice. It's about bad days and good days (for both of you) and it's most definitely NOT about the size of your ass. Yes, as a plus-size rider you can't ride tiny little ponies or even some horses - and that's not insulting that's just your limitations. It's comparable to not putting a beginner on a 3 year old OTTB who is completely wired all the time. 

All the dialogue aside - I've compiled my list of Kaileigh Russell's Fat Rider Survival Guide:

1. Surround yourself with good horse people - just like everywhere else people suck. Don't feel like you need to suck up and be friends with people who don't feel you're worthy of them. They're right, you're not - you're capable of seeing past someone's looks.
2. Ignore the comments - this one is hard, trust me. People will be quick to tell you you're too fat to ride, whether that's friends, coaches or even tack store associates. These are not the people that spend hours with your horse, walk them when they colic, work them through their bad days. These people don't want to face the fact that they might be shown up by a fat rider not wearing field boots because they don't come in their f***ing size.
3. Know your limits - You won't be able to ride everything or jump everything. It's not insulting, it's not rude - it's the truth. Don't let people belittle you and make that fact a condescending dig. EVERY single rider has limits - no matter their size. 
4. Don't take peoples crap - whether you call them on their ignorance or just walk away, you don't have to put up with it. If you can get a 1000+ pound animal to stop being a turd then I completely believe you can tell someone to go the hell away. 
5. You can do anything you want if you put your mind (and ass) to it. 
6. If it's not constructive - it's white noise. Someone telling you fat people are ruining the horse industry compared to someone telling you how to balance yourself as a bigger rider are not both advice. Pick which one you'd rather hear.
7. People suck - horses don't. Your horse will not tell you you look fat in those breeches. Your horse will not tell you you're disgusting and your horse will never tell you you don't deserve to have them. Remember that - at the end of the day it should be about you and your horse, not you and the peanut gallery.