"I'm fat therefore I cannot have an attractive boyfriend"

This was the title of a Tumblr post made by a Youtuber that I've been following for a little while and for some reason it made me so angry. 

This plus-sized girl was bombarded by messages after showing her (by all society's standards) hot boyfriend off in her videos. I think it bothered me a lot more than I was expecting because I was there when I was dating my ex through the end of high school and into University. As someone who has always struggled with body-image issues having the "hot" guy want to date you makes it really easy to spend countless nights going, "well why in sam hell would someone like him want to date me." You can ask him, I asked that question on almost a daily basis. My self-worth was going through a landslide change because in my head hot men date hot women (or other men). Instead of it becoming a source of empowerment I ended up spiraling downwards because:
A) I constantly felt like I owed this boy something just for dating me
B) I chalked his worth as a person up by his looks. 
C) Nothing I could ever do was good enough because he was hot and I was fat
D) My self-worth became dependent on the relationship - without him I was a fat loser

It's disgusting that at this point in time we still put an emphasis on the way a couple looks together over the way the are with each other. We encourage beautiful people to be with beautiful people and put them down when their significant others don't fit the bill. That's terribly degrading and destructive to someone. I can't speak for everyone, but if I even had half the confidence I have now in high school, I would not have been dating my ex for half as long as I did. It's alright to put both men and women down for the person they fall in love with because of their looks. It doesn't matter that I have a grade f***king A+ personality and am generally just freaking awesome and deserve the best - I settled for the first good looking gent who showed me attention because that meant more than my own sanity. 

I know I'm not the only girl or guy to have done this, completely rely on someone to make you feel good about yourself, and I can honestly say it never works. I think the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower explains it best: "We accept the love we think we deserve." I didn't think I deserved someone society deemed attractive because that's what people said, so when it ended, so did any sense of my worth as a human being. 

Even reading this back to myself is hard at this point in my life - knowing that with all of my being I didn't think I deserved the best because I was, and am, fat. And yes, someone will ask - I am single, very much so. Not because I don't think I deserve love, but I still have a bit to go before I'm at a spot where I can honestly say I love myself completely enough to let someone share that with me. Let's be honest here, I'm awesome enough for two people and have no trouble in just being in my own skin for awhile. I deserve the time to get it right with myself, because nobody else is going to be in your mind if you get hit by a bus in a freak accident saving a kitten from impending doom and wind up in a coma for 6 months. 

I'm not sure who reads this - I know I post links to places - but if anyone out there feels the way this title states then this little bottom bit is for you. 

You deserve the best. Tall, small, short, fat, curvy, skinny, black, white, brown or green. It doesn't matter if your thighs touch, your bum kind of resembles cottage cheese and your belly gets in the way when you try to tie your shoes. It doesn't matter if your boobs are mosquito bites and your thighs haven't said hello in years - you deserve exactly what you want. 

Don't let your looks define the way you are with someone. You are awesome - you are, you. Go get a mirror. Now. Do it. Look at your reflection. Those eyes, that nose, that mouth is awesome. That brain in your head that makes you say fantastic and beautiful things, makes stupid decisions and smashes your shin on that coffee table-you-know-is-there-but-never-think-about-it-when-the-lights-are-off makes you awesome. 

Taking back the meaning of Movember

This is a hard post to find the words for, mostly because I have always been incredibly upfront about my feelings about Movember. I'll just come out and say it; I hate that dirty strip of hair over a man's lip. However; because this is done for such a great cause I can honestly put that aside, no matter how much I don't like the way it looks. 

The hardest part of this post was and is trying to come up with the words that don't take away the meaning of this campaign. So please, no matter how I come across here know that this is a great and important campaign. This needs to keep happening and the support for it is incredibly important. With that away we go! 

I have a major problem with the way Movember has been going and no, it's not because of the facial hair. It's this:

I've talked to a couple of people about this and my feelings on it I've gotten a variety of reactions. The biggest being, of course women would try to get in something that is focused on men. To which I say, bullshit. Bull. Fucking. Shit. Any woman should be allowed and encouraged to support men in a raising funds and awareness for a "male" issue, in the same way a man can wear pink in support of breast cancer. 

What I'm talking about it's deemed disgusting if a woman doesn't shave anywhere for a month, even if she's showing support for the Movember campaign. I realize that a lot of people will shake their head and think I'm turning this into a feminist issue - and honestly if that's your thought - shake away. 

The first tweet here is the one of the ones that has me scratching my head the most. #KeepItClean. 

Because if a woman doesn't constantly maintain herself she's dirty and disgusting. Part of my frustration comes from sitting on Tumblr and seeing people anonymously asking some of the people I follow if they're disgusting for having periods while dating people. Why, why, WHY is it so ingrained into our brains that our natural selves are just dirty and not good enough for us to feel attractive. That somehow the fact that we're not shaving our legs or lets just get it out there PUBIC HAIR dictates we're not worthy of feeling attractive. 

Now I'm not saying that women who do these things are fake and not gorgeous, some people are just more comfortable getting their landscaping on - and that's fine. Some women think they're gorgeous without it and that should be fine too. 

These two tweets I've seen reproduced again and again and again. Women shaming other women for being disgusting for not shaving and thinking that women who leave everything the way it is are nasty. 

What's nasty is this completely overbearing need to dictate body image and covering it up through a movement meant to help prostate cancer and men's mental health - both very important issues.

Now, this post is shorter than I wanted it to be - I may edit it later, but I have to get up early for work tomorrow. I leave you with this:

Boys: 

- Good luck to all you Mo' Bros out there. May your upper lip sport the dirtiest most money-raising and change inspiring facial hair.

- To all of you supporting and raising money for this amazing campaign, I hope you do awesome.

- To all those affected by either prostate cancer directly or no someone who has - this month is for you. 

Girls:

- Do not feel pressured into feeling like you need to look a certain way in order to be attractive. If the fact that your legs are hairy is enough to send someone running for the hills then let them get as far away from you as they want. 

- Don't shame other women who may be completely comfortable in not shaving any part of their body into thinking they're disgusting or nasty. 

Don't let hype overshadow the real reason this campaign is happening. Show your support, any way you feel you can.