"I'm fat therefore I cannot have an attractive boyfriend"

This was the title of a Tumblr post made by a Youtuber that I've been following for a little while and for some reason it made me so angry. 

This plus-sized girl was bombarded by messages after showing her (by all society's standards) hot boyfriend off in her videos. I think it bothered me a lot more than I was expecting because I was there when I was dating my ex through the end of high school and into University. As someone who has always struggled with body-image issues having the "hot" guy want to date you makes it really easy to spend countless nights going, "well why in sam hell would someone like him want to date me." You can ask him, I asked that question on almost a daily basis. My self-worth was going through a landslide change because in my head hot men date hot women (or other men). Instead of it becoming a source of empowerment I ended up spiraling downwards because:
A) I constantly felt like I owed this boy something just for dating me
B) I chalked his worth as a person up by his looks. 
C) Nothing I could ever do was good enough because he was hot and I was fat
D) My self-worth became dependent on the relationship - without him I was a fat loser

It's disgusting that at this point in time we still put an emphasis on the way a couple looks together over the way the are with each other. We encourage beautiful people to be with beautiful people and put them down when their significant others don't fit the bill. That's terribly degrading and destructive to someone. I can't speak for everyone, but if I even had half the confidence I have now in high school, I would not have been dating my ex for half as long as I did. It's alright to put both men and women down for the person they fall in love with because of their looks. It doesn't matter that I have a grade f***king A+ personality and am generally just freaking awesome and deserve the best - I settled for the first good looking gent who showed me attention because that meant more than my own sanity. 

I know I'm not the only girl or guy to have done this, completely rely on someone to make you feel good about yourself, and I can honestly say it never works. I think the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower explains it best: "We accept the love we think we deserve." I didn't think I deserved someone society deemed attractive because that's what people said, so when it ended, so did any sense of my worth as a human being. 

Even reading this back to myself is hard at this point in my life - knowing that with all of my being I didn't think I deserved the best because I was, and am, fat. And yes, someone will ask - I am single, very much so. Not because I don't think I deserve love, but I still have a bit to go before I'm at a spot where I can honestly say I love myself completely enough to let someone share that with me. Let's be honest here, I'm awesome enough for two people and have no trouble in just being in my own skin for awhile. I deserve the time to get it right with myself, because nobody else is going to be in your mind if you get hit by a bus in a freak accident saving a kitten from impending doom and wind up in a coma for 6 months. 

I'm not sure who reads this - I know I post links to places - but if anyone out there feels the way this title states then this little bottom bit is for you. 

You deserve the best. Tall, small, short, fat, curvy, skinny, black, white, brown or green. It doesn't matter if your thighs touch, your bum kind of resembles cottage cheese and your belly gets in the way when you try to tie your shoes. It doesn't matter if your boobs are mosquito bites and your thighs haven't said hello in years - you deserve exactly what you want. 

Don't let your looks define the way you are with someone. You are awesome - you are, you. Go get a mirror. Now. Do it. Look at your reflection. Those eyes, that nose, that mouth is awesome. That brain in your head that makes you say fantastic and beautiful things, makes stupid decisions and smashes your shin on that coffee table-you-know-is-there-but-never-think-about-it-when-the-lights-are-off makes you awesome.