I'm not talking about the "got the wrong coffee at the Tim's drive-through window" bad, I'm talking about the take everything out of you to get out of bed bad. Good mental health is something I preach about a lot and truthfully it's something that I let fall by the wayside for myself in the past couple of months.
I hate admitting that I'm feeling like crap. I'm one of those "I'm fine" people, always have been and, begrudgingly, I probably will always be one of those people. I normally bugger off for a little bit and recharge enough that I can get by without anyone noticing. Truth is, that hasn't really been happening a lot lately.
It's not that I've only been having bad days, I've had some great, positive moments and I've had plenty of really happy days mixed in, but for the most part I've just felt myself lacking. I'm not motivated to do much, I have 0 energy and getting out of bed makes me want to cry. Every small, insignificant thing in my life is becoming a large hurdle. I've stopped working out, caring what I eat and as a result have gained weight which is making me even less motivated. A bad reaction to birth control has led to me crying all the time and has pushed my anxiety through the roof.
People are still really uncomfortable when confronted with the fact that someone isn't doing great. It's still something that's hard to talk about openly because people generally (while being well-meaning) give you the age old advice of "if you're not happy with something just change it." Being sad or anxious isn't something you can just generally switch off, the physical side effects of it (low/no energy, no motivation) aren't something you can just change with a positive attitude sometimes. Basically, life is hard and accepting that and trying to make what you can out of it is sometimes how you have to get by.
I'm lucky to have a great support network (thank god) and some wonderful fuzzy creatures that let me squish them to within an inch of their life when needed which makes me grateful. Feeling like crap has put a lot of things into perspective for me, how much time and effort I put into people and, more importantly, how there isn't enough of me to invest in people who aren't worth it. It's been a reminder to take stock of my mental health and come to terms with the fact that I need a breather. Basically, it's okay to not be okay.
