Of adult-accountability and growing teen pregnancy rates in Canada

Teen pregnancy is a topic that I tend to try to avoid, mostly because I do know some amazing (at the time were) teen moms. It’s an intensely personal topic and I just want to start this off by saying that this post in no way discredits anything these young mothers have accomplished. This isn’t judging young mothers in any way, or criticising them for doing anything wrong. This post is directly looking at the issue of teen pregnancy from an education/prevention standpoint.

                I was going through media clips at work today and came across this article from the Globe and Mail. In it, the author (Zosia Bielski) is addressing the Canadian trend of increased pregnancy rates in women ages 15-19. The overall tone was basically, girls that go to school and have jobs and are “optimistic about their future” keep busy enough not to get pregnant. I don’t quite buy that at all, because that implies that if a young girl were to get pregnant she has to be unemployed, uneducated and thinks that her future is nothing – which from some of the young mothers I know is definitely NOT the case. One quote did jump out at me, which prompted this post, from Alex McKay, research coordinator with the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada.

“People like to narrow in on teen pregnancy as if it’s some sort of specific issue about the sexuality of teenage girls. It is that, in some respects, but it’s also an indicator of much larger and fundamental transformations within a country.” – Alex McKay

                From continuing to read his position in the article I’m confident that he didn’t mean this quote the way that I took it, but it made me think. Teen pregnancy is often looked at as a ‘specific issue about the sexuality of teenage girls’, the entire culture of it is female blaming-centric. You see a young girl who is pregnant and you’re taught that she is doing something wrong, she’s uneducated and she’s stupid – because she is having a baby. The focus is on pregnancy as a woman’s issue, a woman’s problem and a woman’s responsibility to prevent – with very little focus on the male aspect of it. Throwing it out there bluntly, girls don’t reproduce on our own; we do need a little help in that department.

                We teach women to be proactive in their sexual health, which, don’t get me wrong is amazing and needs to continue. We also get it pounded into our heads to not trust the guy to use protection, don’t trust men to look after you’re well-being, and they only want one thing. My thinking is: don’t we have an extremely large gap in education if we’re almost ignoring one gender completely because, ‘they’re just guys’? Girls are taught to not trust the partners they are with at any age, because they can’t possibly have their best reproductive health at heart. I know, from firsthand experience, I’ve been told that given the option to use protection or not, to never trust a man- and that was from a public health nurse! Yes a child grows and develops in a female body, but a man does help put it there! This ‘it’s okay he’s just a guy’ way of thinking just serves to excuse any kind of responsibility. To put in perspective that’s like a farmer planting his…potatoes…in someone’s backyard, but instead of us focusing on the fact he needs to learn where and how to properly plant his potatoes, we say “it’s okay – he’s just a farmer”.

                Sexual health needs to be equal and unbiased. If we are having that large of an issue at the male end of things that we need to tell women never to trust them, then there needs to be a massive increase in education. I think we also need to look at the sexual culture of teenagers as well and open up lines of frank communication. We bash teenagers over the head with “Don’t have sex or you will die”, and then when they do get into a sexual relationship we turn around with, “well they’re just teenagers, what do you expect?” There’s this massive middle part where, honestly, we’re setting teenagers up to get pregnant and then turning it back on not only a women’s issue, but a teenage issue as well. I’ve heard countless adults go on and on about how teenagers need to be more responsible and take accountability for their actions and they’re ruining their lives by being that stupid. I’ve seen the other end of it as well, where students who have never been exposed to sex ever, go to college and make decisions they regret deeply because they were never taught and don’t know how to have a conversation about sex.

                Accountability is a two-way street. Yes, young people need to be accountable for any of their actions, but we also have to accountable for ours. We, as adults, need to be accountable to the fact that our current sex education is not working. We need to be accountable to the fact that open communication about sex isn’t happening with teenagers. We need to be accountable to the fact that teen pregnancy isn’t just a “teen” issue. We need to stop trying to sweep the subject of teen sex and sexuality under the rug because we’re not doing anything but a disservice to teenagers.

Of being young and restless and invisible chains

I’ve been staring outside my office window for the majority of today. I don’t know why, but the apparent barrage of snowflakes has induced this absolute sense of melancholy that I just can’t seem to shake. Between working on a website for and running to meetings I’ve felt my mind just wandering and wandering instead of being alert and focused.

I keep staring at the cars going by and wondering where they’re going. I mean, it’s probably to work or home from work, but are any of them about to embark on some crazy adventure? Maybe an impromptu trip that is completely foolhardy and spur of the moment, normally a milestone of being “young and free”. That got me thinking, why haven’t I just gone on a trip without so much as a moment’s notice? Why haven’t I just damned it all, gotten in a vehicle and driven off into the sunset to excitement and opportunity? Well, the most reasonable part of me goes, ‘you did just get your car at Christmas – it’s hard to drive off anywhere – let alone into a sunset - without a car.’ Then my internal dialogue of crippling you’re-an-idiot-tude begins: how would you get anywhere? Would you need to take time off? You have a bill that’s due by the end of the week. What about money? Is that very smart? Who is going to feed your cat? What about your guinea pigs? You do realize you have the sense of direction of a deaf/blind bird, right? Whendoyourclassesstartagain?Wait,didyouactuallypaythatbill?

Aren’t I supposed to be young? Aren’t I supposed to want to just throw up my hands and go? I blame the movies – they’ve instilled this need for road-trip induced adventure as a necessary milestone of “doing it right” in your young days. I end up thinking; did I just skip the fun part of being young? I mean, I’m not saying that I’m old and boring, but going to buy kitty litter seems to have become the most exciting part of my week. Why is there such a divide between young and adult? It’s almost like you can only exist as one or the other and I always end up feeling like I’ve missed out on something big and important because I was focused on bills, job opportunities and setting myself up to be successful in the future.

Vroom?
© Kaileigh Russell 2012

 

The thought of just driving off into question marks doesn’t spark this moment of crazy joy, it leaves inner-Kaileigh scrambling to pull up the reins and think on it for a minute. I mean, I am an impulsive person, not in the sense that I do everything and anything solely in spur of the moment – but I feel like “fun and fancy free” (circa Jiminy Cricket 1947) just doesn’t do it for me.

I do want to travel, eventually – but the exact same amount of me wants to put down roots and just belong somewhere. In theory I would love to just pack up and move to Ireland and work and be kitschy and eclectic and meet some hunky Irish thing and make cute little accented babies – I would also love to just have something permanent. I’ve had people tell me it’s just about figuring out my priorities – and I agree, partially. I know what I want, but I want a lot of things and almost none of them are complimentary. That’s not to say that I’m just giving up and coasting on life, I just don’t quite know what I want the most yet as a lot of things are fighting for number one. Do I want to date? Do I want to be completely debt free? Do I want to own a horse? Do I want to travel? When do I want to buy a house? Where will I work for the rest of my life?

I know it sounds like I’m complaining and most of these thoughts sound like deep-rooted future regrets and I really don’t think that’s the case. I mean, we all want a lot of things, right? We want to not pay bills, or have student debt or be able to not work a day in our lives. Some of us want to travel all the time and just leave and it isn’t until you’ve left that you realize you want nothing more to be back. I suppose for right now, just looking out the window and wishing good luck to some crazy kids who may or may not be headed on the adventure of their life is enough.

If not, I can always spend my future fashioning awesome business cards inspired by Wile. E. Coyote.

© http://historywillabsolvemike.blogspot.ca/2011/01/wile-e-coyote-genius.html

 

Oh, the places you'll go - or won't go..or can't afford to go to..

I've always loved Dr. Seuss, and specifically Oh, The Places You'll Go! I don't know why but I always feel like what's written in that book is always relevant to life no matter what age you're reading it at. It's inspirational for kids, but it's also somehow reassuring to read as an adult.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

 

 

I've freaked out about being an adult before in this post so I won't go into as much detail, other than my "adult" life is somewhat figured out until March 31st, 2013. That date is starting to feel like my sanity's expiration date (that's the day my contract is over at Public Health Ontario). Needless to say I feel like I'm going to be spending the first few years of "adult life" flying by the seat of my pants trying to cling on to some semblance of sanity.

 

What they don't tell you is that when things start to happen they happen quickly - good quick and bad quick. One day you're drinking energy drinks and planning hangouts in a common room the next day you're looking at the most affordable car insurance companies and calculating the 4.99% interest rate on your car over five years. I honestly can say that I didn't like high school, and yet I miss it. I mean, it felt like the hardest thing in the world to get through, but you had one over-arching goal at the end of it: be an adult. When you were in high school there was drama and heartache, but for the most part (looking back) there was not that much to worry about. Then, you get to be an adult.

 

Some days are brilliant, other days the credit card companies, phone companies and stupid entitled people complaining about their "misfortune" because-they-finally-have-to-be-responsible-for-once-in-their-freaking-lives just get to you. You can't just go home and sit down to a dinner you didn't make. You have to suck it up, and go run those errands, pay those bills and be an adult.

 

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

 

Now, this is where I feel like I am right now.

 

I'm just waiting. Waiting to see if I stay in Toronto, get to lease that horse I've been emailing the girl about, get a dog, graduate with distinction, get a job... The Waiting Place is one of the worst places to be, so I've found. I believe that most of that is because I'm generally not a patient person (just ask anyone who knows me), but mostly because they painted The Waiting Place with question marks...everywhere.

 

I also feel like being jammed in The Waiting Place I always end up dreaming these fantastic dreams and almost drowning myself in the pressure to live up to all of them. One day I'm moving to Timmins the next day I'm living in Toronto till March 31st. I have an apartment and then I'm living with a family friend - still not finding a place to live. It honestly feels like at this moment the only constant thing in my life is that my cat really goes nuts for Purebites treats and I'm still addicted to coffee. Not inherently bad things, just not very applicable to career/adult life.

 

Unlike Oh, The Places You'll Go! you can't always just make things happen at will. I've realised that it's really easy to just tell people, don't wait for things to happen - make things happen! But there's that spot in between the making and happening that feels an awful lot like just plain waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And holding your breath until it doesn't feel like your lungs can possibly hold enough air to sustain you and then being told you need to run a marathon amount of distance because surprise! Zombie Apocalypse. 

 

Amid all this lack of oxygen-running-away-from-zombie-hordes-in-order-to-survive-and-prosper, good things happen. You realise that you have great friends, great family, a weird cat with awkward tendencies like needing to watch you pee and starting almost every morning by poking you in the boob and of course things that genuinely make it worth it to get up every morning.

 

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

 

 

 

All Dr. Seuss quotes can be found at this page. 

 



New Year's Resolutions and the need to wait till February to avoid being judged at the gym

I, like many others out there plan to start 2013 by continuing to try to stay healthy. With the holidays came a little extra cash, and thus the ability to be able to afford a gym membership - which had me incredibly excited. Then I hit the wall of hate for the "January Joiner" trend and honestly it just completely left a bad taste in my mouth.

Whether it's Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook - the amount of hate for people who want to try to get healthy by working out at a gym is ridiculous and completely unfounded. Yes, wait times for machines are longer and there are a lot more people in the gym but what qualifies you to think you're more important than someone just starting to work out? Gyms aren't made solely for people are in shape enough to "keep up" and remarks like "get out of the way for fit people" borderline on abusive. Going a gym for the first time is intimidating, you have people who are obviously in incredible shape, and then you have the people just starting out. What floors me is the way that some "fit" people feel entitled to bash newcomers just because they're starting out.

Honestly, didn't you have a first day at the gym? I bet you weren't graceful and lean and had the cardio ability of an Olympic track and field athlete then. Don't make someone who is trying to make progress in their health not want to come back again because you think you're more entitled to use that equipment because you've been there longer. Honestly, a large reason people don't continue to use a gym for more than a month is because of the way that asshats treat them for not being "fit enough". Yes, some people just get lazy and stop wanting to go but honestly who would want to spend their free time being made to feel like a lazy sack of crap because someone doesn't approve of the time of year they chose to take charge of their health?

January. Worse month at the gym. Everyone makes a New Year's resolution to get fit, until they get sore! #JanuaryJoiners
— TEAM-CHRIS (@HandsomeBoyC) December 31, 2012

It's gonna be funny seeing all the New Years resolution people at the gym this week. #JanuaryJoiners 😂😂
— Madeline McFadian (@madddsann) December 30, 2012

Like the Tweets above, terrible grammar aside, January is the "worse" month at the gym? And the last one, it's going to be funny seeing all the New Years resolution people at the gym this week?

What's funny is the double-edged sword that is trying to be healthy. People get called fat and lazy for not working out, but that's what they're met with when they try. It amazes me that fit, in-shape people don't want to be role models for people just starting out but instead want to be a hindrance to them. Of course, that's slightly generalizing, I realize this and there has been support for newcomers among the hate, but for the most part - it's hate that's the main message.

With this "January Joiners" mentality trending, you're enforcing that people should feel bad for using this New Year to make health a priority. You, hating on the fact the "Resolutioners" are here again, could be the reason that someone decides that the gym isn't worth the dirty looks and muttered comments as they try to get healthy.

Like someone commented, "health shouldn't be a seasonal thing" - apparently needless hate and judgement can be.